Couples are increasingly facing a modern, unsettling online threat: Digital infidelity.

This can come in many forms - viewing pornography, having sex chats in cyberspace and even arranging to meet in person.

This growth in waywardness is easy to understand. In the digital age of the super information highway, the lines between right and wrong, black and white, reality and fantasy, are becoming increasingly blurred.

We can afford the power of multiple identities online while remaining anonymous in the real world. On the ethereal platform of the Internet, we go where we want to, and interact with whoever we please. Real-world obstacles and boundaries dissolve in an intricate web of hi-tech, light-speed networks that form cyberspace.

But how virtual and detached is the Internet? Can we possibly dichotomise what we do in real-life, and our actions online? Does one's behaviour in the cyber-world, affect and ultimately, must be answered for in the real-world?

The answer is yes.

New forms of unfaithfulness transcend real world restrictions and blur the line between what is acceptable and what isn't.

Is it considered cheating when a partner deliberately makes friends online with members of the opposite sex?

How damaging is an explicit SMS sent to a third party, as compared to the old-fashioned explicit phone call, or a face-to-face flirt?

When does pornography become a problem in a relationship, given that its proliferation and easy availability affords anyone access today, thanks to the Internet?

The questions are thorny and open a Pandora's box of issues never before faced.

Now it seems, it's a whole different ball game, such as the case of Cindy (not her real name), who discovered that her fiance was addicted to porn and was in contact with other women whom he met on chat-sites.

Here is her story.

I got to know my husband online as a net friend. After going out for awhile, we took our friendship to another level as we kind of clicked and he was also a good person.

One day during the period before we got married, I planned a surprise for him by visiting his home unannounced.

As I pushed his bedroom door open, I caught him masturbating in front of his computer. He immediately stopped what he was doing, and behaved as if he was merely surfing the Internet.

One and a half years into our relationship, I stumbled onto his indulgences again when he gave me his password for my brother on some Internet gaming site.

It turned out that the same password could be used to log into his email account. That was when I saw all the transcripts for his subscriptions, indicating the username and password for each porn site he has signed up with.

At that time, I felt angry, betrayed and disappointed. It was a side of him that I never knew.

I obviously confronted him about it.

He did not deny it but neither did he offer any explanation. I suppose it was the shame that silenced him.

We cooled off for a while but resumed our relationship again, even though the seeds of doubt were already planted in me.

Six months later, I checked his email account and to my disappointment, found transcripts of porn site subscriptions yet again.

Worse still, because of my lack of trust in him, I would check his SMS'es randomly and I came across some explicit messages that he had exchanged with women he met through online chat-sites.

When confronted, he once again had nothing to say.

I did not know why I kept the relationship going at that point. Perhaps it was the flat we had bought, or perhaps it was the fear of being alone.

Eight months from that second incident, we were already making plans for our future (he was already 35 and I was 29), when I discovered explicit SMS'es on his phone, between him and his ex.

That was the final straw.

I told him to get out of my house. He was so shocked he just stood there with a blank look on his face. Then he broke down in front of me. My heart was already dead.

He had dashed all our marriage plans despite the chances I had given him. And yet, I still wanted to know what was wrong with us, for him to keep doing these things.

I even called up the ex to confront her. She said it was nothing and that they had not done anything.

Still, wrecked by his seeming unfaithfulness, I decided to end our relationship. I told him I wanted to cancel the purchase of our flat.

I also told my mum about what he had done.

In the aftermath of what happened, he showed remorse and constantly tried to persuade me to change my mind and take him back. I wavered for a while and finally decided to give him one last chance to work things out between us.

My terms were that he had to help me regain my trust in him, and that he cannot fault me for any doubts I might have of him after all that has happened.

We patched up and he remained clean all the way. We are now husband and wife.

The Internet is a part of our lives one way or another. And pornography is easily assessed by anyone. But when a person abuses such usage and compromises another party in a relationship, then it is undoubtedly harmful.

The only thing I would like to say to the partners of people who are addicted to pornography is: Don't give up hope if you think the relationship can be salvaged. Yes, a lot of hurt and distrust may result, but if two people are genuinely committed to working it out, the problem can be solved.

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'Digital Infidelity'

Cindy's case highlights several present-day issues in a relationship.

For one, her partner was obviously tempted by the extreme accessibility the Internet affords him. Some partners have no issues with their other halves surfing online chat-sites, but when the contact is taken to another level, and the nature of exchanges become sexual, "digital infidelity" kicks in, even though all interaction was only through text messages.

Is this considered cheating?

Pornography and the Law

The ability to subscribe to overseas porn sites, with the ease of a credit card transaction, is also another hair-raising issue for some.

Pornography in Singapore is obviously banned.

Under the Penal Code, "possession" or "purchase" of any "obscene" material constitutes a criminal offence punishable by a jail term, or with a fine, or both.

Laws can become tricky when the Internet comes into the picture however. And there are grey areas with respect to online pornography.

The Media Development Authority of Singapore (MDA), states on its website that it does not monitor or track users' access to Internet sites, and "does not interfere" with what individuals access in the privacy of their own homes.

While it is impossible to restrict access to all pornographic sites on the Internet, MDA has symbolically banned a few "popular" ones. Internet Service Providers are unable to provide their users access to these.

But MDA's main policies deal more with the "purveyors and distributors" of pornography.

This means the onus ultimately falls on home users themselves, on controlling or abstaining from online pornography.

Porn addiction

As for porn addiction, Dr Simon Siew, a psychiatrist at Mount Elizabeth Medical Centre, says it is a medical problem classified under addiction.

A person becomes addicted when he uses porn as a substitute to an aspect in a real-life relationship, or when his perception of what constitutes a relationship has become warped by pornography.

"Porn is one-sided and it takes away the human element," says Dr Siew. This can have grave consequences on a relationship if one partner has unrealistic expectations of the other, due to the influence of porn.

"Patients have to first acknowledge they have an addiction to porn," explained Dr Siew, when asked about treatment. "The condition is treated like any other form of addiction."

Referring to the pervasiveness of pornography on the Internet nowadays, Dr Siew says: "The Internet has made it even easier for porn addiction to happen".

"Magazines like PlayBoy and Penthouse can be easily banned by the government but on the Internet, you cannot block everything."

Dr Siew also says he has encountered a few such cases, and recovery is not easy but possible with the understanding and support of the other partner.